Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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