More tranny stories later!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
