I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
