"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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