He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
