After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
