When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
