if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize