Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
