like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
