chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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