Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
