That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
