Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
