You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
