Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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