I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We left the knife in your bed.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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