if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
