someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
