We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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