turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I am mentally ready for anal.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
