I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Found your dick twin last night
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
