I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
