Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
