you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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