I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
