my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
