Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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