put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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