Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
