Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
