last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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