For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
