And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
