apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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