No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
