Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
