I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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