I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize