After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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