can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Send help, water and tortillas.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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