ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She even gives head with a lisp.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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