I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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