he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize