My liver just broke up with me...
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
