I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
