hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
