Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
