This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
