we're chasing vodka with high fives
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
