Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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