So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
