I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
