Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize