there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So much Jack, so little girl.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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