I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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