I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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