"it" just moved
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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