Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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