I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
