we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
