Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize