i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
4 words: hood of his car
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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