this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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