I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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