I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
