i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize