oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
This baby is an asshole
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
