We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
