I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
