wrigley field is MILF paradise
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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