i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
