i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
