did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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