You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
