I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
