1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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